Free Writing

Tears then began to spill from my eyes. I shook with sobs, unable to control myself. I had no idea that my mom couldn’t afford the tuition fee, and I had no idea that she left all the crucial tax documents in Vietnam.

I participated in an annual psychology convention last night. Washington Marriott Wardman Park was enormous, luxurious, and magnificent. Everyone dressed up. They officially started with an opening reception, by awarding those who had contributed significantly to the science. Some of them gave brief speeches, expressing their gratitude to their mentors, colleagues, and students. I was so thrilled, so excited, and so INSPIRED. I wanted to be on that stage some day. I REALLY DO.

Then, at 11:30 PM, my mom told me to drop all the classes, and I felt like a perfect idiot, still hardly believing that was her message. Her words dashed my dreams to pieces, and I could do nothing but dissolve in tears.

How I had longed for this semester!

Going to school was so awesome, so cool. Instead of going out to eat with my family and friends, I stayed at home to read all the books in advance last weekend. Also, I went to bed early. In the morning, I didn’t procrastinate. NOT AT ALL. I ate breakfast, drove to school and was at my classes fifteen minutes before it started.

I wanted to CHANGE.

Now, I can’t cry anymore. I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t want to talk to anyone. “You will be just fine”, my friend said, while what I want to do is to kill myself.

I had been working so hard to come up with a schedule that I can study, work, volunteer and work out. I had endeavoured to use my time wisely, not wasting any minutes. I had hardly posted anything on my Facebook, because there had been so many other important tasks needed to be done.

But she is right. Who the hell I think I am? Why the hell should she support me? Am I under eighteen? It is me who had persuaded her to immigrate here, isn’t it?

This is my life and I have to TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY.

– 24.05.2013

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